Kitty Power

Rest Your Sad Head and Let That Shit Go

A moment of silence for Helga, my formerly indestructible HP that conked out on me. I had it about two months shy of 8 years, so I can't be mad and getting above and beyond my money's worth of it. I've been saving up for a shiny laptop for while and today I bought another HP tower that I'll pass along to my mom once I get my piggy bank ready for the laptop buy. A $400 computer was still lightyears away from what I've been working with all this time. Luckily, I've been slowly migrating my info to my external hard drive for a few months now, so no big info loss. I'm still vaguely confident that I can transfer settings, but it remains to be seen. That poor computer survived 8 years of moves, dust, good writing, bad writing, many IM conversations, angry emails, overlong blog posts, music downloads, and days and nights of overwork. The new computer clean slate feeling is kinda interesting. I feel like everything happening around/with me right now has something to do with salvaging the good pieces and/or rebuilding from the bottom. I don't mind really. Change is a very good thing.

The other week found me venturing into Midtown on a Saturday night. Very strange since the last thing I do when I leave it on Friday evening is clamor for more. I was off to check out this new to me band that I'd been digging for more info about. The show was in this art gallery, hidden in the shadows of office buildings and delis and theater row. The space was transformed into a maze with sculpture and writings decorating the walls. I wandered in, looking for the music that was promised to be at the end. I saw a band, not the one I was there looking for, sitting around and taking apart equipment. I looked at them, they looked at me, and wandered away. I came across this guy, looking like an antsy hipster complete with the shaggy hair, hoodie, and classic sneaks (shelltoes in this instance), and we struck up a stilted conversation as I asked where the refreshments were hiding. Our chatting would reoccur as the night passed. The place was on the miniature side. Three turns and you were either out the door or back where you started. I tried to wait patiently for everything (the set to start, the drink girl to replenish the supply, a lightning bolt to hit this girl who started some story with "not that I'm a racist, but..."), but mostly aimlessly walked around and around. That guy was from SC visiting for the week and one pass we talked about the upstate region and its little cities and towns. I felt a twang slip out and I missed my old summer trips for the quickest of seconds.

And then the band played, mostly acoustic with the music going low as the mike-less singer sang. I was mesmerized by the bass, all strings and neck. I stood in the corner on a bucket and tried to keep my balance and take a pic or two with my shitty camera phone. Almost at the end, there was competing noise from a sax player and drummer playing out front on the street. They wrapped up quick and suddenly and everyone ventured outside. The discordant noise brought down a tourist to complain about her lack of sleep. She walked about and fumed helplessly and everyone watched the showdown between her and the saxophonist amused. I used the lull to stroll off the next destination. There were no more fireworks to be had there that night.

I had a choice of parties to go to with one big possible drawback to them all. I was playing the shell game and trying not to be where The Boy could end up. But true to form, I paid my money and bought my first drink and looked to my left to see his friend and then him sitting there. Figures really. I kept to myself and this random I knew from the neighborhood where I used to work and he hovered around like the mosquito you can't quite kill and finally just ghost. I coped with the Long Island Iced Tea special and chugging to calm my nerves. Too bad my stomach wasn't so happy as time went on. I spent the next day at home lounging like Sheba and considered how fun it would be to live somewhere where my past wasn't always been thrown in my face.

Tuesday, I attempted to see a show by the old faves, but fatigue and the noxious crowd turned me back. Instead I went to the 2nd show of the week by Saturday's group. There again was that guy from SC. We had another strange conversation and he confessed that he was at the show for lack of a better option and stir crazy. I gave my condolences on that and perched myself by the bar hoping for a good watching angle. It was a good show again and I was happy that I got it together to see them. That guy had disappeared before the show was over. I hope he had a good trip.

Time Passages

I just realized that my blog is a few days over four years old. I usually pay more attention to the actual domain anniversary, but there's something about it this time around that has me a little amazed that it's been a good while. If this was my baby, it'd be on its way to school or something. I'm kinda itching for an overhaul. Most of the links are dead and I would like a color overhaul. We'll see if I have the time.

It's funny to read back at shit I've written even six months ago, so four years time is ridiculous. I definitely wouldn't be a tenth as open nowadays and I'm amused that the posts got way wordier at time went on. I'm still dealing with most of the same shit though. The more things change, the more they stay the same and all.

So who was I? Candicissima a.k.a. Candice. 22. Pisces. High-strung, conflicted, college graduate as of May 25th ('03), NYC born and raised, unemployed, writer, urban bohemian at heart, social butterfly, music junkie, scatterbrain, dreamer, crafty, intellectual, sarcastic, melancholy, passionate, idealistic, explorer.

And now? Candicissima a.k.a. Candice. 26. Pisces. Striving for zen and balance, NYC dwelling, cog in the advertising machine, realist, individualistic, explorer, music junkie, social observer, creative, clever, and a lapsed writer.

Still hope I'm keeping it interesting as the time goes on.

I Wanna Be Myself Tonight

Video time...because I'm too lazy/tired/without free time to write something.

Marco Polo feat. Masta Ace, "Nostalgia": Makes me wish I had a whip (or license for that matter) to blast this song out of the speakers.

Fugiya & Miyagi, "Ankle Injuries." I'm super pissed I missed them a few weeks ago, but it's NYC and they'll be back.

Res, "They Say Vision" Where the hell has she been hiding? I want a new album...stat!

Doves, "The Cedar Room." Lost Souls is a kickass album still.

Oh, you know who. The damned song is in my head and I can't shake it. Plus her outfit in it makes me laugh and laugh...

Every Day Is Saturday Night

I'm annoyed. (A quick aside, I often think how fun it would be to have some Movable Type hack – yes, I am a blog nerd, And what? – where you could have mood displays a la Live Journal. And then I think, well first of all, my mood would usually be annoyed, so it'd just be redundant. And also, I can save that for my real LJ where I can go on and on and on in private and non-cryptically. So, this is a dumb aside basically. My prerogative. Whatevs.)

It's a shame I'm salty because things are really not bad. My new favorite pastime is podcasts by East Village Radio, Stones Throw, and XLR8R. New to me – or even, memory jogging – music is always good in my book. Hours and hours of fun that is. The weather is nice, really nice. I had a good weekend split between much needed rest and reconnecting with folks. Brunch and a nice stroll through the nabe even fit in there. I saw a fun show by Kenna
last week at the new Luna Lounge and had the loveliness that is an Iona cider. I ran into one of the few Wes kids who it isn't (that) painful to see and I had a funny text convo with Justin when I got fooled by hisdoppelganger. He said he was at PB&J and I was confused about that until...er, about 20 minutes ago. I'm so out of the loop with what the kids are listening to nowadays.

Anyway, I think it's just one of those states where the good is awesome and the bad fucking pisses me off. The problem (if it can even be called that) stems from being a little too focused right now. I had myself on overdrive and did what I had to do, so now it's like I'm in that mode and I don't know if it's worth it to slip out. I feel like my game has been elevated and now I don't want to go back. Still, I know there's a significant amount of fun missing. I just feel stiff or something. I guess that's to be expected. It's been a big two months for me. So, I'm just a bit restless and impatient. I don't have it in me to wait around and hope I make square pegs fit in round holes. I'm tired of settling
and being jerked around. That's how I spent most of the past three years at the wrong jobs and being with the wrong people and spending too much time feeling bad. I'm not exactly sure what I want, just that Ihaven't found it yet. Clear as mud, eh?

She Seems Happier At Night

Despite things still sorta swirling around strangely, I feel mostly good.

Going to midtown every work day and looking like an adult instead of a college kid in limbo is an interesting experiment. I nipped in the bud -- rewind, I crushed with my best stiletto heel -- the pseudofriendship thing the boy was trying to push for. Just thinking about having to talk to him again was making me crazy. It was like a rewind to all the shit I thought I worked through in all these months. Some wounds get infected when you pick at it. Proving that we're both mature and responsible people, I told him that I wanted him to go crawl back under the rock he was hiding under for the past six months with some cold East New York flavor I didn't know I had lurking in there and he crank called me like a bitch the past Friday night. We're both obviously winners. But who cares! It's really truly spring, so I'm happy.

I've been pretty much a homebody during the week again. I've got to get up damned early (for me) with the added bonus of not going only 15 minutes away anymore. Not that it's stopping me from staying up too late as usual, but it's hard for me to get motivated out before the weekend. Last Friday was a marathon day for me. Late at work, then off to meet up with C to repay my $60 from Miami and enjoy happy hour. Red was there with friends and I said hi for a bit then went back to my table. Faiks came in for a long overdue hangout session and we grabbed dinner. She turned into a pumpkin and then it was Red and I drinking and trying to rally...which ended up being eating at Unos (I swear I haven't been to one of those since high school) and sitting around in the park before rolling back to Brooklyn. Next day was Chinese delivery and watching Donnie Darko. Chill fun. I've kinda missed just aimlessly hanging out with someone cool a la Fizzie. Getting into trouble sometimes, but mostly bullshitting and chatting about real stuff. Low maintenance and non-dramatic is nice at this point. I'm still sorting a lot things out, so a distraction is good.

The most exciting things from Sunday were: 1) A really good energizing ride around the park. I took these interiors roads for once and that was cool. I also need to ride more because my stamina sucks. 2) Taking my awesome new shoes (yes, shoes not sneakers) on a test run. 3) I actually fit into the size I'm supposed to be in the fitting rooms with minimal "goddammit, I'm a fat cow!" trauma 4) After two years of cohabitation, the cat finally seems to be giving Ant some love. That was actually really cute.

Another reason why life is all good as far as I'm concerned:

Can't wait!