September 2004 Archives

Nuggets

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Been a min.

The Best of NY List from the Press is tops in my book. I've always had a soft spot for that paper because they've got a general "we don't give a fuck and it'll be raunchy and funny!" attitude (and one of fave weekly columns is Dategirl). Personal highlights:

BEST UNDERAPPRECIATED CONEY ISLAND RIDE: ELDORADO AUTO SKOOTER (the only cars I'm fully licensed to drive)
BEST TIME-KILLER: VIRGIN MEGASTORE, UNION SQUARE
BEST REASON TO GO OUT: OPEN BAR (a.k.a. why jobless losers are having so much more fun than you)
BEST REASON NOT TO NAME "BEST LOCAL BAND"
BEST SPAM HEADERS (SEX) (you can go read that yourself.
I'll save myself the spam, thanks)
BEST NEWSPAPER FOR KINDLING: THE NEW YORK TIMES
BEST REAL ESTATE TERM: EAST WILLIAMSBURG (preach it!)
BEST BLOG FOR REAL ESTATE WHORES: CURBED.COM (my work place crack. right, Jay?)

ETA: And also blog buddy, Jay Smooth's radio show was named one of the best. Holla!

In other news, I've been intrigued and appalled by this Observer article on this apparent best-seller. Though the title is golden with me. I abide by the 3 forms of contact rule for someone who looks like they're about to do the vanish trick: a week with one voicemail msg, an email, and one call but no VM. No response, fuck off. Keeps life simpler.

[side note: Amazon is offering a 2 for 1 special with this book. I sent Mr. KT the link to that over IM.
Mr. KT: oh please
Mr. KT: that's not true
Mr. KT: it's the reverse!
Jamirakid: bitches love men why? ;)
Jamirakid: i'd read that book
Mr. KT: no no i mean girls love assholes ;)
Mr. KT: men are simple folk
Jamirakid: heh
Mr. KT: we just like girls who are hot
Mr. KT: not our fault hot girls tend to be bitches
Jamirakid: uh yeah, i'd say it is
Jamirakid: you know that bit is going on the blog, right? LOL]

Such a loving and tender note (in that cruel and hilarious way) [via blog name of the century, Hookers On Stilts]

We can blame work for making me agree with SFJ's response:

What's the worst thing on the charts?

I am not terribly happy when I hear Alicia Keys sing.

At one point, the radios at work were constantly starting or ending "Diary" and "If Ain't Got You." You can't imagine how homicidal that'll make a person at a certain point. I strangely liked "My Boo" the two times I heard it (perhaps that's why). It's got a certain Stacy Lattislaw/Johnny Gill throwback feeling I appreciate.

I can thank Ant for providing me with the link most likely to get me fired. I need to brush up on my geometry.

Sunny Side Up

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Believe or not, people, I'm actually walking around the world smiling today. Why you ask?

I've discovered something better than angst. Better than work. Better than a double cheeseburger. Better than America's Next Top Model. Better than friends. Better than sex. Better than you.

Semi-expensive electronics. My baby is home. I'll be the one with the dreamy expression.

Cradle Will Rock

Jamirakid: Oh, that reminds me: did i tell you my plan for the spring?
Jamirakid: I'm going to take a class and snag a little graduating senior. Be a cradle robber instead of getting robbed all the time
Farmer: hahaha good luck
Jamirakid: I'm going to work that shit. you'll see
Jamirakid: I'm still young enough that it's okay
Farmer: haha
Farmer: How old are u?
Jamirakid: 23
Farmer: Yep. And a senior?
Jamirakid: Almost 22 if they're not already
Farmer: hahaoooO what a cradle
Farmer: I thought you were talking about 18 or something
Jamirakid: Heh. Well someone practically my age is like a novelty for me
Jamirakid: Old fuckers love me for whatever reason
Farmer: No, you love old fuckers
Jamirakid: Not really. I just go with the flow

Low

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I am utterly bored.

It's easy to blame this on myriad of things, but I'll go with stagnation. I go to work and sit and talk and type and sit some more. Go to the gym and step and lift and sweat. Go home to eat and sleep. In between, riding the rails and walking around, always watching but disinterested. I go to shows. I see people. I drink. I listen to music. The apartment hunt continues. I watch what I eat. I smile wanly at myself in the mirror. I think about writing. The world turns.

Rinse and repeat.

I'm not even depressed. I'm just stuck in neutral. What is desire? What is excitement? I think I forgot somewhere along the way. Everything just strikes me as boring or ridiculous. My only saving grace (I suppose) is I've grown out of the "I need someone to entertain me" stage. Mostly because I doubt they can. I'll get over it. Eventually. Because angst is so 90s.

I'm too young to be so jaded.

Color Blocking

Another day, another event. Waiting for Fizzie, partaking in the open bar. Some guy slides up for me and I neutrally respond to his chattering. His dismal game involves him dropping that he knows the artist through his cousin that went to school with him. They're from "a suburb of the Bronx called Mamaroneck." I sneer, "oh, you mean Westchester?" He continues by dropping that he used to be involved with music himself in Europe back in the '90s but "really really bad stuff."

"Bad like sucky? Or bad like evil?"
"Both."
I was mildly intrigued. Some guesses included being a Vanilla Ice background dancer, producing him/C&C Music Factory/Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch/skinhead rap/rapping Swedish children/Kylie Minogue/Ace of Base/rapping Swedish grandmothers/ABBA before he dropped the working mostly in Germany clue and I guessed Milli Vanilli. Bingo. I laughed a lot before saying that at least he made money instead of being a member of the group.
He encouraged me to tell a deep dark secret and I assured him I don't have any (which is mostly true).

"Well I'll tell you some stuff about me: I live in Westchester. I don't eat pork. And I don't date white women."
*blink, blink* I laugh...and laugh..and laugh some more. "Okay, I'm kinda stuck on that. You said that like, 'I don't eat pork and I don't like the color green.'"
"No really. I can't stand it when I see a black woman with white men. I love my African Queens. My mom's an African Queen, my nieces are African Queens..."
"Right. Didn't you say you lived in Germany? What'd you get up to there?"
"Nah really. I never went there. I grew up in the suburbs. They're not mysterious to me."
Hmm. I was saved by the ringing phone. I went to take Fizzie's call and conveniently forgot to come back.

Not that I was feeling him in the first place, but I can't really get behind that approach. You don't date white women? Wow...neither do I! We've got so much in common! I might set off a powder keg here but coming at me with some borderline bigoted shit isn't really going to push my interest level anywhere but down. I could be any black woman to him because as long I'm not white, I'm alright. Does he want a medal? Was I going to do some sort of a "thank god, one real honest to goodness black woman-loving black man! My prayers were answered!" jumping around and being gleeful thing? I think that was a piece of unnecessary and not at all flattering info. The flip side of the "I can't stand black woman because they're so...blah, blah...and white/whatever women are so much better at...blah, blah." That's your personal dumbass preference. I could really give a shit. Besides, when you're protesting that much, you've got some issues.

Am I supposed to be anti-white women or whatever? I shake my head at all of those chicken little articles that come out all the time about them "stealing" my theoretical men. I don't think of them much as a monolith much at all...unless I'm cursing one mentally from flipping her fucking hair in my face, treating me like I'm invisible, and generally tripping on herself or trying on pants and hating a faceless girl for making it practically impossible to find shit that fits. But, in general, I dislike people on an individual basis. The feminist me is all why do you have to kick one group of women down in order to big the other one up? Again, that's more to do with a him than us.

My personal stance is black like me is great, but I'm really not going to stand on the wall biding my time for some Tyrese lookalike to take me away. I wondered later if he would've tripped out if he would've seen me and Fizzie hanging out? "You're a traitor to the queens!" I should've gone back with him just to fuck with that guy. Clown.

Shilling Ain't Easy

This is me earning my Most Bestest title...


Ace Fu 2nd Annual Chinatown BBQ!
· WHEN: Thursday, September 23, 2004 – 7 PM until 2 AM

· WHERE: The Delancey (168 Delancey St.) NYC

· OPEN BAR: 9:30 PM until 10:30 PM
· FREE HOT DOGS: 8 PM until 9 PM (veg too)
· GUEST DJ: John Schmersal (Enon/Brainiac)

OFFICER MAY @ 8 PM | RUNNER @ 9 PM | MAN MAN @ 10 PM | AQUI @ 11 PM | THE DEARS @ 12 AM

Or alternately, check out interviewee DJ Lindsey and the Negroclash crew at APT.

I'm aiming for both plus Sapph because my favorite part of Thursdays after all is pretending like I don't have somewhere to be mad early the next morning. You're only young once.

What We Do Is Secret

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The funny thing about the blog vacation was that it was fairly easy just to keep it going. I can understand the view "normal" people have of bloggers where they can't understand why we're so addicted to writing everything down. Not blogging saves some time for sure. At work, I worked. At home, I found instead of spending hours typing my hands off, I could just go to bed. I even lost weight because I was going to the gym and being active instead of sitting on my ass tied to my computer. Such a novel thing. But oh well, the addiction starts again.

I met up the Friday before last just past Union Square for dinner with TrendVickster and some of her new school friends. We found ourselves at the diner next to Irving Plaza where the performers that night were the Scissor Sisters. I felt very In Living Color because I was all "seen them and hated it." We were off to a net cafe on 13th to get the directions to the night's main event in Bushwick. We emerged from the L at Morgan and I was reminded why I just can't get down with that whole industrial living thing: I really keep way too late hours to be traipsing around vacant lots and streets with no lights on the regular. I've never been mugged, attacked, etc. and I just don't believe in tempting fate. Besides, nothing pisses me off than the two people walking towards each other on a dark street thing scenario where if one is me and the other one is white, they'll always move/panic/do something assy so that I want to scream "hello, you're a fucking 6'2" man, what could I do to you really? And if I could, you've got problems bigger than my barely 5'5" self." Makes me want to rob someone just out of spite. And that of course is irrational.

Anyways, we get there to find music and skating on the second floor of a converted warehouse. The decor was totally Fast Times At Ridgemont High/any 80s movie view of the suburban arcade where kids hung out. I felt like I was on a National Geographic expedition into a foreign land. I searched around looking for what I was there for and found out that I had missed them performing. Bummer. I did run into Kelly TAOS though, skating around in a purple dress and hotpants. So cute. I was about to get some skates of my own and kick up the fun a notch when I realized that I was without my ID. Turns out I'm a fucking idiot and had left it back in Manhattan at that net cafe. So genius.

I ran out of there and split up with TrendVickster at the train station, getting to the place just in time. It was only about 11 and I was restless as usual, so I decided to take a stroll to the next destination talking all the meanwhile with Lina on the cell.

I showed up at Siberia for the first time since my semi-traumatic yeti trampling to support K, the Wes head making moves, one of my original projected interviewees. I got my rock show courtesy of DONK and band with K on the upright bass. My instantaneous review was that it was what I imagined a Jeff Buckley show to have been like. It was really great. K and I spent a lot of time chatting as I tried to find out some info to base my questions because I don't know him half as well I should since I only see him about three times a year. But eventually, I had to accept that I was bone tired and succumb to the call of bed and home.

All day Saturday and Sunday I was making up interview questions and writing a cute little blurb (I hate that picture but not much as I do most of the ones taken in the year since). Some time Sunday night, I realized I was an idiot who had just about every day of my interviews covered but the first. Luckily, Steven popped up and we did his interview part 1.5 to get him up Monday.

At the office the next day, I found my work face temporarily pierced by a guy in another department that was all, "I saw you on Gothamist." Yeah, no shit? Get away from me. I was definitely worried about the blog becoming an office pastime, so that's another reason I kept the output nonexistent last week. If you have nothing there, they'll lost interest and stop coming. Though that hasn't seemed to stop random Wes people from popping through (Yeah, I see you).

Post-work, I met up with PrincessNella and TrendVickster for a mag party a few blocks away. Yay goodie bags! A slight pause on running into a girl from work (not so bad because she's one of the 3/4 I like) and a Wes girl (who chatted with about a mutual friend I lost touch with. It happens).

From there, downtown to meet up with Fizzie for Man Man Show # 875 (in actuality, 7 or 8). It was the first time I was bringing the kids to a show and I was a bit nervous. Worlds colliding and all that. They were simultaneously curious and frightened because I'm a weird girl, I like weird things, and them being introduced to those things can be a hit or miss situation. I made the mistake of going two levels down instead of one. Silly me not to intuitively know that they were moving up in the world. The place was on the crowded side, which was interesting. I sat with my friends all wide-eyed and "Do you like it? Do you like it?" referring at the moment to the stage setup looking straight out of The Birds. Their faces weren't looking so promising, so I went to the bar to get some cider and avoid the running commentary they had going as the band warmed up.

You know, it's good to be right. Earlier in the evening, I'd spoken to Ryan Man Man to ask what the projected starting time was if only because I was liking the mag party and hoping to get another comp drink before I had to bounce. He said 9:30 and I replied "okay, 9:45 when y'all finally finish setting up." The crew and I didn't even get there until 9:40 and they got started about 10 minutes after that. That story is relevant because while I was at the bar, with my back to the gang to avoid their guilt-inducing looks, the band was getting started. There were people at the show -- tons! That warmed my heart. They were even the "let's get up close to the stage and really watch" types. That can be a good or bad thing because most NYC crowds are of the "I'm going to stand here with my arms crossed as if I'm actually more than just a little punk bitch. Now, impress me" variety. (What kind of audience member am I? One who just kinda chills out on the sidelines. If I'm there, I just want to listen. And I hate being bumped, so I'd rather be off out of the way.) The warmup was amusing...I smiled at the bar until Fizzie rushed over with a "Trendvickster, just threw up!" She didn't really -- just almost choked on some water in shock -- but it was allegedly a funny ass spit take. Shit. I miss all the good stuff.

I rejoined the friends and pointed out the guy I believe was the former yeti suit clad trampling bandit. They were mostly dumbfounded at the music (demented carnival music was Fizzie's take), but they didn't outright hate it so that was a start. Post-show, I looked on amused that apparently the group has would-be groupies. This one was really noxious. Bad weave, looking like Robin Givens after a crack binge. I was not amused. I can't really wrap my head around a Man Man groupie. They're not like Velvet Revolver or something, but I suppose boys in a band attract that sort of element. The kids got an intro to Ryan and basically stared wordlessly at him after the pleasantries. We shot the shit, mostly consisting of "yes yes, I'm such a good shill. Heap praise on me!" and I got the album. Sweet! (It's been glued to the stereo for over a week now, y'all. October 5th. Buy that shit!) until some chick strolled up and he vanished like the wind. So then, they just switched to staring wordlessly at me. It was like the Inquisition.

I've been a little edgy the past couple of weeks. Actually, that's an understatement. I've been fucking insane the past month and change. The not so hidden secret of Candice is that I'm a control freak in disguise. I'm just about the worst handler of stress I know. I'm big on compartmentalizing to keep shit manageable, but naturally things spiral out of control and my little boxes overspill and what follows is that I lose my shit. Fizzie felt the brunt of the other week's meltdown and in general, I've been going around with the eyes narrowed and the potty mouth hitting landfill sewage levels. I went on a minor cursing jag from their pressure until I wound myself down. Another not so hidden secret: I've got a majorly short attention span.

I moved onto complaining about how this interview thing was driving me nuts heading into Day 2 and I half-heartedly searched around for someone to interview. Then, inspiration struck: Fizzie. I set off to make up some Qs and we experimented with candles in that dark ass room to get a decent pic before he and PrincessNella decided to go to the hall where the light was. The plan was to run an interview to play up his NYC hater status with a disclaimer at the end saying, "he doesn't really hate it, he's just lonely and bitter." His answer for "your greatest NYC moment:" "the day I went back home [the Bay] for four days." It was gonna be way over the top. We were cackling up a storm in the corner in anticipation. I know we looked insane...and we weren't even drinking. We blew out of there 11ish and I got straight on my computer after I walked through the door to transcribe. I had a change of heart about the interview we had done and tweaked questions and got new answers over IM from Fizzie as PrincessNella emailed me her pictures. That's teamwork in action. I was happy with how it actually turned out -- not that the process was any more on the fly as the week dragged on.

But, I think I've done more than enough peeling the curtain back for one blog post. Oh man...this is a monster. I really am back.

Just Luck

It figures that just when I felt the need to reenter the blogging ring, the net in my house was down. All weekend, I died a little on the inside and amused myself by listening to music and watching regular TV when I wasn't traipsing about town. It was nice to relax after the super stressful days of the interviewing. I think I'll stick to fiction from now on, thanks.

Special Kitty Power shouts to my interview subjects: Steven, Fizzie, Ms. Mommy, and Hani who came through late at night when I was tearing my hair out -- or in Fizzie's case, in the middle of the Knitting Factory Tap Bar post-Man Man show when we were bullshitting to pass the time. And Lindsey, one of the four I actually planned beforehand that followed through. The one thing I learned from this process was always take more than you need. The scrambling is what killed me. Next time when someone like Hashim offers to volunteer, I'll say "how quick can you get it back" instead of "I dunno if there's room." That definitely was my bad.

So, the blog is back slowly but surely. I'm bursting with things to write. Like why you so need to be on the Man Man album when it drops (October 5, people) -- it's awesome and you can see my liner notes shoutout. (Yeah baby, it pays to be a shill!) And my jammed packed Saturday which included that Dave Chappelle show in Brooklyn and dinner with Lina and randoms and a blast from the past sighting at APT. Also why L.I.C. is the best neighborhood and PrincessNella and I are gonna slide in there soon (*knock on wood*). And you know other shit. Keep watch.

Spotlights Hurt My Eyes

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Welcome Gothamist readers! For those who don't know, I'm the guest interviewer this week -- real last name and all. I know I really had you going with that Nassapeemapedalon. So far, I've done old friend/former Washington Heights summer roomie Steven and partner-in-crime Fizzie. Everyone else will fall in as they do I guess. This shit is kinda stressful I've gotta say.

The double edged sword is to have gotten more traffic in the past 2 days than I have ever. You people are inhibiting. I have nothing to say. Thanks for dropping by.

Testing The Waters

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What I Did On My Blog Vacation:

1. Smiled
2. Socialized
3. Spent few late nights and an early morning at work, being chained to my desk and phone
4. Still spent a lot of time aimlessly on the net
5. Discovered the good pain of the leg machine at the gym
6. Saw some shows
7. Tried a hand at writing something besides stupid blog posts
8. Kicked the apartment hunt into a higher gear
9. Played out of sight, out of mind and accepted my irrationality
10. Found myself looking forward to a heap of NYC returns.
11. Tried not to go about my days thinking about how I was going to blog it later -- and was mostly successful.

The Minor Fall

I plan to take another blogging hiatus because I have nothing good to say about anything...except that in theory 3.5 days away from the soul-sucking dungeon also known as work was glorious and my 7-min phone convo with Tino made everything about 1/3 better. Still in general, this past week and change has been the pits. (Disclaimer: Gratuitous self-flagellation and mega-sized pity party to follow. Yeah, you can skip this one)

My job is literally making me sick. Because the space is all loft-like and I sit between two vents, I get industrial strength AC and it's causing havoc on me. I literally went in with a sniffle and came out hacking and sneezing and I'm still fucked up. I also can't see the top of my desks most days and I'm abusing the "Send All Calls To Voicemail" button because I just get sick of talking to people after a certain point. And Thursday is our company picnic somewhere in Bumfuck, NJ (to be reached by a bus trip) and I'd rather jump in front of a car.

In social terms, the long weekend was an absolute bust. Jack and cokes combined with the deadly sweet mystery drinks at Sapph Thursday night had me not even contemplating doing anything Friday night. But, I couldn't get a decent night's sleep because I got about 10 calls and 3 messages from the last fool before I got tired of the 419 scene and hung up my hot pants. I haven't even seen him since March and I hope after getting no response he just loses my number. Gah. Saturday had me still kinda shaky, but getting it together to go with PrincessNella to apartment hunt in Astoria. We signed up with a broker and might get the chance to pay the equivalent of 1 month's rent to see a place we would've gotten a week ago if the present tenant wasn't a flake. Joy. The original plan was to check out a film fest I was given the heads up for by The Director (the artist formerly known as FFPGINOANP). Between checking an email from him that said he was out of town for the next month or so (killing that hope of running into him) plus the fact I couldn't get a single soul to return my call and had a depressing look at my ATM balance, I changed my mind.

I ended up back home wondering when I started hemorraging money so and observing that everything I have apparently goes to Ms. Mommy, drinks, and Whole Foods. And replacement clothes because I've finally accepted the fact that I've grown beyond the size plateau I was chilling at for a while. I got a call from Mr. Daddy letting me know that my aunt was having a holiday cookout and I decided to tag. He said he'd be by to pick me up and about 2 hours later he finally was. He's a firm believer in CPT.

We (being he, Mrs. Daddy, the little brother and I) were cruising down the Southern State in family Honda when Mr. Daddy switches lanes fast and pulls up behind this Jeep that he realized had stopped when he kinda bumped it. Then suddenly, it's rolling in reverse on top of our hood, where it ends up resting. A Jeep on a Honda. Imagine that shit. We get out quick smelling something strange and stand there and marvel at the fact an SUV is on our sedan and that we were pretty lucky that the tire stopped right before the windshield. We chat with the witnesses and look at the fools just sitting there in the Jeep (they were especially dumbass because their ruptured gas tank was sitting on our car). I call 911 and all that and an hour and a change later, after traffic is totally fucked up, the state troopers fill out their reports, and the tow trucks pull the cars apart, we continue to the aunt's house...

...where the first thing out of an older cousin's mouth is "Hey there, you look like you put on some weight." Yeah? Fuck you. Today I'm a fat cow with shot fucking nerves. Can I have some fucking food please? Oh wait, no food for me because everyone has eaten it all. The hazard when you get to even a function in my family after 10. So, I got to hear everyone tell me how fat I look since June and ask me what I've (or rather what I haven't) been eating. I swallowed the indignity of pig feet and gizzards eating folks that are twice my size calling me fat. I might be chubbier than before and it's not like I haven't noticed. I have them to blame for my subsequent diet pill/anorexia problems and I'll be sure to tell my future therapists so.

Back to the city I went after a while. I called Farmer (in town until Thursday) to see what was up. We're in a friend stage presently, only because he's playing drifter and he can't manipulate me into crashing at my house. If I was already moved, it might've played out a little differently, so let's be happy about that for a switch. He was doing something or another with his friends and I passed. I called around to my friends searching for someone to tell about the accident and my family trauma, but everyone was MIA. I travelled to Brooklyn to Jenny's party to get a little drink and give my birthday respects before going to rest my nerves at home.

Sunday was at least sedate. Another day of no one returning my phone calls and/or just blowing me off had me thinking "well fuck it, I used to do whatever by myself for so long. What's the difference now?" It just is. Every once in a while I need people. (It's a secret. Don't tell anybody.) I made a good attempt, getting food in Chinatown and wandering the LES before I began to see myself going on a bender because I was depressed and that I'd be better off just going home and to bed and saving myself the money and the calories. I also started to feel kinda bitter because it just reaffirmed this feeling I've always had in the back of my mind of being too available for people because when I need them, I'm like a ghost. It's sometimes a disadvantage to play strong and no nonsense because you're always like a social director/sounding board emotional/social prop for others. You become some mama bear nuturer type creature and you find that people are never really as open to giving back what you give. One of my fave song lines that I remember in times like this is: be a little more selfish, it might do you some good. I might try that. I'm due for an island phase. Saves a lot of time when you're only accountable for yourself.

I cruised on the bitterness parade all the way back to Queens where finally there were messages waiting. Did I care? No, not really...except for Lina's. I walked around freezing and chatting with her (strangely because it's not like I don't get reception on the bus or at home), feeling slightly better and was prompted to call Tino. I've missed the hell out of that kid and it's a shame we're both to lazy to visit...though he's trying to make it out here to coincide with the supposed upcoming Alex. The three of them are just people that I can just chat with and be buoyed just by the sounds of their voices. Though Lina's here in town, work and different schedules have had us falling off slightly. The thought of a mini-68 High reunion is a hopeful thing for me. That's about all there is.

I plan to spend my blog hiatus only mildly sulking, exercising like a fiend, and just trying to clean up house. And chill out for a change. Maybe I'll even like the world again when I come back. Doubt it.

From The Sad But True Files

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Jamirakid: i made the mistake of drinking a red bull type of thing so now i'm all hyped
Farmer: yeah, I just got back from a liquid lunch
Jamirakid: lucky you
Farmer: now I want a nap but have no bed
Farmer: lol
Jamirakid: ugh...my energy just crashed big time
Jamirakid: screw the gym. i'm running straight home after this
Farmer: good plan
Jamirakid: but i won't. i need the gym i'm getting chubby in my old age
Farmer: yeah, I get lazy.. wait scratch that I have always been lazy
Jamirakid: you've got the advantage of being slim
Jamirakid: i've got bad southern genes working against me
Jamirakid: i'm about 10 hams away from lane bryant at any moment

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