To tie back to the last post, the day was spent like most of the weekend: considering the list of activities to do, but mostly being really idle.
I dragged myself to the muddy Summerstage and saw Femi, but I was so disgustingly sweaty that I stood still long enough to inhale a bottle of water and get my body temperature back to normal before heading back off. It was the daytime mirror to Friday night's adventure in Williamsburg (I've spent more time there in the past two weeks than I have in at least a year for sure). Then, I wandered the streets in search of a place I'd been trying to make way to for a few good months and ran into G, Wes friend/former housemate of Tino, Lina, and Alex. He tried to help me but was too stoned to be much use. I reiterated why I generally avoid the hood (too dark and creepy, hardly anyone strolls alone like I do, too many shadows like a horror movie set) and he said that he always felt safe. I considered arguing man vs. woman/self-preservation tactics vs. bubble induced stupidity, but decided it was a waste of my breath. Anyways, I ended up in my destination and chilled to try and stop being a miserable sweaty mess. This random kept popping up to bug me about why I wasn't dancing. Erm...cause I don't feel like it? What do you want? "Don't want to be swept in with the white people embarrassing themselves...haha." Get out of my face. Whatever. "I'm building bridges with you by making fun of my people. I'm so enlightened and self-aware! Aren't you impressed?!" It always reeks of insecurity and annoys me. The Friday guy and the one yesterday at Summerstage had that same overeager "give me a point!" facial expression like puppies looking for a pat. Ugh.
An unrelated episode had me wasting a lot of time talking with this random. A total motormouth spazzy freak. I was searching the whole time for my escape route when he said that he was gonna take off because he didn't really feel any "passion" between us. I almost laughed in his face -- I should've actually. As it was, I was just sorta amusedly dumbfounded. I think he thinks he was rejecting me. He wishes. And a semi-devestating (to my music pride) mistake: "Is this the Erykah Badu live album playing?" "No, it's Miles Davis." *shame*
Faiks and I spontaneously decided to check out a movie last night. It was the first one I've paid to see since...Chronicles of Riddick maybe. As I've gotten older, I don't really do movies...unless it's free/I've gotten passes or catch it while I'm waiting for food in that Chinese restaurant near my house that doubles as a black market new movie seller. We meant to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, but apparently Sunday is super movie night and every showing was sold out. We chose Happy Endings instead. I think I've seen the trailer for every indie flick coming out in the next 6 months. The ex-drama geeks had simultaneous orgasms as the Rent trailer played and I snickered. Our movie was really great. It had a lot of heart and drama without being so ridiculously self-congratulating as most indie flicks are. Lisa Kudrow was awesome, but I like her in just about anything that's not Friends. She's got more nuance that you'd expect seeing her in that show.
The movie made me melancholy and I've been thinking ever since about love and hurt and taking chances and whatever. I've been in one of my "bah humbug love" phases lately since couples seem inescapable during the summer. I've been hearing dispatches from England about Farmer so happy with his girl and wandering about almost two months and counting. I noted the other week that Mr. Sailor's been popping back into the brain. I think I'm just bummed about being utterly prospectless and trying to make a clean break from a lot of things. I've got a lot of wonderful friends and new people around that can become friends, but I really miss the heart flutter excitement of building a relationship. And I don't even really remember what they're like. I almost wonder if I missed my chance and didn't even realize it. I dunno. It's just a jumble of stuff.
Posted by Candicissima at July 18, 2005 01:38 PMCandice, I just had the butterflies-in-my-stomach moment with a coworker, who is just nice to me. Aggggh.
Insane, that feeling.
So, instead, I went salsa dancing.