One day in, 24 can go either way.
In many ways from last year's blowout to now, the excitement died. Right after the party in '04, I went into hardcore job hunting hibernation. I'd spent most of the post-school fall and winter as super temp over at the evil empire (with some funny episodes) and having the best of both worlds: hardly working yet having enough money to finance going out up to 5/6 nights a week (plus the knowledge and skills to leave the house with $20 and come back after a long run with $19). But by March, that was mostly over and I was staring at walls again. Farmer had moved to Florida and I was adrift. I'd spent too much time for comfort in strange places just disassociated from everything. And really I admitted to myself that I was simply bored doing fuck all and wanted to settle down and be respectable.
So, I went and stayed in the house until I landed the job, then I started staying in because I just couldn't hang (often) until 5am and then whip into shape in an hour and change to get to work on time. But, I kept at it because I'm really a night owl and I had to work through my whatever with needing to find something more interesting at all times. Spending 3/4 of my time in the straight world and trying to make some sense out of compressing my running around into bite sized fun has failed miserably. The same parties, the same people, the tired music, the outdated trends, the terrible mismatches. I'm tired of paying in time and currency to stand around and wish I was home. I can't find excitement out there anymore. I was born jaded and my current state is really beyond the pale. As anyone who knows me well is aware, I do the most inexplicably fucked up things out of boredom. (Didn't I used to not smoke? How did I end up in so many strange situations?) I've been cruising towards the brick wall at a steady pace and early this week, I crashed. I'm down here on a heap, so the only way to go is up. What better time to make a real change than the year leading up to my quarter century anniversary?
Here's to foresight and using that undervalued brain in there somewhere underneath all the hair. And less melodrama -- dumbly manufactured and reaction wise -- in 2005.
Posted by Candicissima at March 10, 2005 11:25 PM