I occupy myself at work by being flat and doing what I've got to do and thinking about what fun things I'm thereotically going to do afterwards. I like my job, just not this month. I also like maintaining dualities. Compartmentalizing has always been a fun pasttime of mine. Many here are on some "work should be like camp! woo!" thing, but I actually enjoy maintaining my distance and making my interior/post-work life a lot of more interesting than being with the herd could be. Then again, I've also been a loner and like being contrary, so YMMV on that one. My SAD is setting in and making my mind wander too much.
The out and about compartment is always pretty fluid thing. Simple is always the way to go. I like dark corners, randomness, silly adventures, good music, bass, room to move, and interior flavor. I'll go just about anywhere (minus Crobar where Lina tried to lure me with news of a 2-hour open bar. Sorry, not even if they're handing out bottles of Patron at the door), so that keeps life semi-interesting. I was so excited about the vacation because it was supposed to shake things up. I got back and the next couple of days I was bent out of shape about the election, then back to work and trying to dig myself out of the mess waiting for me. It wasn't long before I was freezing and back to wondering "is this all there is" as if I've never gone anywhere.
The Friday after I got back, when I had to be up to apartment hunt at 10am on a Saturday, I found myself traipsing to Chelsea Piers around midnight to catch a party I'd been on the mailing list and such for a good while. Party on a boat? "House party on a boat!" I screamed to me to convince myself to keep going on those long ass avenue blocks. Then I was still fresh off LA, needing to hear some serious bass and dance like I did so happily on the other coast.
It's no joke coming up on the piers at night. It's crazy dark over there! I almost jumped out of my skin when this water rat about 3/4 the size of my fat ass cat even hinted at running in my direction. But, I went in and wandered, hanging close to the corners and people watching. Eventually, I got tired of doing nothing and went upstairs to make a call when I found my phone ringing instead. A dispatch from The Director, out of the blue as they all are. I shrugged and agreed to traipse downtown to meet up with him and his friends. I made my way through the boat, coat in hand, and came face to face with the focus of my big stupid crush. "Oh shit," I screamed, far from quietly, and ran in the other direction. (Yes. I am 12 years old.) I thought of making a slight attempt of talking to him after I got over the shock, but I was then embarassed on top of being chickenshit, so I just left.
Off downtown, then on a search for The Director who was slightly confused of exactly where he was. Great. I finally walked into a cozy bar/lounge somewhere in the EVil and met cute with him. "You look strangely familiar. Kinda like this guy I used to know." "Are you sure? Do I know you?" "Shut up...how are you?" Hug. I was introduced to a girl friend of his and some other guy who standing with them. We broke off and started chatted briefly before I was off on a bathroom break. On my return, he handed me a G&T and turned towards his friend now alone. I stood along the wall, sipping and looking around taking in everything. The place was cool, somewhere I'd probably hang out in for kicks if I was in the area. After 10 mins or so, I was nearing the bottom of my glass and bored. I looked over at them, deep in the thick of a convo, boxing me out. My mind began to wander and I played around with my phone, sending a text to Jay-V. It was about 3am and my bed was calling me.
I tapped him on the shoulder and said I was heading out. Blah blah blah "yeah, I think so. I've got an early day tomorrow. I'll catch up with you sooner or later" blah blah peace out. And I wasn't even especially whiny/bitchy/snide/passive-aggressive about it, though it would've been easy to be. It was a hard situation to navigate, but fuck it, life is too short and I was practically asleep on my feet. On my walk to the train, I got a call asking me back, but I was pretty sure in my steps. "Another time maybe." The whole thing wasn't that serious really, but sometimes you just get tired of holding up walls.
I'm feeling beyond blah. I'd like to say this time last year, everything was better and different, but nope, November is notoriously a bad month for me. I'm really not kidding about the SAD. I need to shake shit up quick or maybe get one of those special lamps. I think I'm over vampire mode for now.
Posted by Candicissima at November 14, 2004 11:45 PM