Kitty Power

Telly Torture

So, I watched the VMAs. All of it. What was I thinking?

But really, what was Beyonce thinking when she let her mama dress her in that? Your mama hates you, girl. It's obvious. It's Atlantic City Hooker Barbie with a detachable dead squirrel wig! I've got to give thanks to the VMAs for putting "Ocean Avenue" on a brain loop and making me watch heavy metal videos to get it out. I loved hearing "Prototype" live and that Andre 3000 is sick of performing "Hey Ya" as much I am hearing it live the past year. Line of the night goes to Marilyn Manson for his response to how did you get here: "I rode in on Mandy Moore." I liked the pre-show music I heard from Pitbull. And it's good thing MTV told me about voting. I would've never known otherwise.

The show really wasn't that interesting overall. I think even Dave Chappelle was less funny just by being there. Does Paris Hilton always sound like she just came from her lobotomy? And it was cute when the Yellowcard guy cried.

Some highlights from the running IM commentary Jay-V and I had going:

Jay-V: i havent seen mtv in such a long time
Jamirakid: yeah me neither
Jamirakid: the novelty of all of this is great
***
(on beyonce)
Jamirakid: turn and look at this girl
Jay-V: oh jesus
Jay-V: her hair looks like shit
Jamirakid: jesus...why does she let her momma dress her?
Jay-V: yeah i know
Jamirakid: with all that money! she's famous! she can get that shit for free!
Jay-V: and then she could get good looking shit
Jay-V: god i cant get over how bad her hair looks
Jay-V: it looks like she just took out the rollers but didnt didnt comb
Jamirakid: that outfit too!
Jay-V: the outfit i can overlook. not cause its not that bad but because my eyes are drawn to her head
Jamirakid: beyonce looked like a HBCU majorette in that outfit. she stole that from the set of drumline
Jay-V: lol that she did
***
Jay-V: okay hailey is all sorts of ugly
Jamirakid: yeah i know
Jamirakid: it's really also sad that she's the older sister and glued to hilary
Jay-V: and hillary is no dime either
Jay-V: yeah
Jay-V: hailey needs a nose job
Jay-V: hillary needs to give her one for xmas
Jamirakid: haha
Jamirakid: she's got a nose like ashlee simpson
Jay-V: lol
***
Jamirakid: hmm. i notice i didn't see justin timberdick
Jay-V: heh true
Jay-V: hes been laying low in general though
Jay-V: and hes not up for anything
Jamirakid: did you hear he refuses to get back with nsync? fucker
Jay-V: are you serious? i didnt hear that
Jay-V: could his head be a little bigger?
Jamirakid: yeah i know
Jamirakid: hate!
Jamirakid: they call him Punk Ass Bitch on fametracker. so fitting
Jay-V: heh
***
(on Mr. JLo's Kanye intro)
Jamirakid: ooh no claps
Jay-V: YES
Jamirakid: ha. and right in front of puff
Jamirakid: ass to him!
Jay-V: lol thats really funny
Jay-V: he always looks coked up
Jamirakid: yeppers
***
(on the candidates daughters' segment)
Jamirakid: jenna looks like a pig
Jay-V: i think this whole thing is really cheesy
Jamirakid: pig face to the extreme
Jamirakid: yeah really
Jay-V: lol the skinny one (barbara) has weird eyes
Jay-V: jesus shut up already
Jamirakid: yeah they need to stop
Jay-V: they totally killed the vibe
Jay-V: lol liked the lets move on part
Jamirakid: yeah really
***
(on the lil jon, et al mastermix)
Jay-V: till the sweat drips down and falls. ha
Jamirakid: oh shit
Jamirakid: vivica fox!
Jay-V: oh shit i just thought it was a video ho
Jay-V: she has no shame anymore
Jamirakid: nope
Jay-V: also does she realize shes not 28 like the rest of them
Jamirakid: with her booty hanging out those shorts
Jay-V: uh huh
Jamirakid: the funny thing is that lil jon's gotta be like 35
Jamirakid: most rappers are fucking old
Jay-V: heh
Jamirakid: except like chingy and j-kwon
***
Jamirakid: oh bruce willis
Jay-V: lol
Jay-V: i always get a kick out of seeing celebs having fun and dancing to a song
Jay-V: its like hey! they like the same shit we do
Jamirakid: oh yeah. that's fun
***
(on Jet taking forever to get to the stage for their award)
Jamirakid: eww. they need to stop making out already
Jamirakid: they were making out all the way down the carpet and everything
Jay-V: heh i know
Jamirakid: and he looks like a dick in that hat
Jamirakid: why's some skinny mofo always trying to show his scrawny chest?
Jay-V: lol
Jay-V: man you like them
Jamirakid: eh?
Jay-V: i was saying you like ths skinny white dude type
Jamirakid: haha. not that skinny
Jamirakid: ...well not all the time
Jay-V: lol
***
Jamirakid: lenny kravitz looking stupid. what else is new?
Jay-V: yup
Jay-V: though i have to say im glad the perm is gone
Jay-V: i was not feeling that
Jay-V: his perm was looking better than mine. i was like ooh girl he must wrap his hair at night
Jamirakid: haha
Jamirakid: nah, he probably had a model or 6 do it for him
Jamirakid: he looks like bam bam in that stupid outfit
Jay-V: lol uh huh

Posted by Candicissima at August 29, 2004 11:55 PM