Despite my lovely kiss-off post from the other day, to pretend that marks the end of "Farmer Comes To NYC" story means that I'm not a bored and occasionally stupidly impulsive type of person. Because I definitely am. I've got to admit the cold to warm weather transition has been off for me (despite certain bright spots) because I replaced worrying and obsessing over the lack of a job thing to working and always sleep-deprived. The Farmer sitch is tres compliqué because before his regression to fall "that fucker that I'm going to punch out" era levels, we were humming along on some nice friendly shit to date -- until he got here and metamorphosed into a neo-The Continental. Hope for salvage has been springing eternal this week, you know, because I'm a jackass.
Thursday night was the extra special "congrats to me for having this job thing on lock" dinner here, featuring Jay-V, PrincessNella, Hani, and the birthday girl TrendVickster. In a fit of boredom at work, I had extended the invite to Farmer. I dropped that bombshell towards the beginning and Jay and PN, having negative opinions of him without having the pleasure of meeting him (which Hani and TV had) were equally adamant in not being seated next to him. We worked all that out, but it flew out the window when he arrived about 45 minutes after everyone else with a friend in tow. He plopped down next to the thrilled PN and announced they planned to just drink and not eat because they weren't staying long. I'm sure my eyes narrowed about then.
I suppose I can even admit since I'm being all nice and honest that it was a trap. And he knew it, so I can't blame him for bringing a buffer. Me, Jay, and PN in a row are a tough crowd under any circumstances. Poor Hani as the lone boy was lost and torn between playing peacemaker and staying all clear. And TV was the cutest little birthday girl in the history of the universe. She asked Farmer (he who lives on a boat), "Do you ever get sea sick?"
But, we were nice. Almost too nice in fact. We gave him just enough rope. Inexplicably, there were crayons at our table -- then again, probably to pass the time as you wait hours for your food -- and everyone but me (because I know where my artistic talents lie) was drawing little pics. Farmer's was a sailboat (*surprise, surprise*) with a piece of land in the background. He explained it as the island near where he lives and we all were good about restraining the scorn (while they was there). All masks were pushed aside as they got up to leave after about a half hour or so. At first, they weren't going to pay for what they ordered before thinking better of that and he babbled some crap about hanging out later. Umm...fuck off. "Thanks for coming," I said with the sarcasm positively dripping. The tension erupted to the surface and if looks could kill, he'd have been out in a body bag.
They slinked off and we all looked at each other and busted out laughing. Hani was still lost for whatever reason. Sheesh. I'm having a hard time believing that even a casual reader would have trouble paring down the real story in a few sentences or less. (Is there anyone who really is like "yeah, what is the deal with this Farmer person? I just don't understand what she's saying on that front"? If so, speak now or forever hold your piece.) PN found her claws and said he looks great for 33.
"But, he's really 26," I replied.
"No shit?" said Jay. "He looks really old."
"27 in July. It's probably all the sun. You know they don't age well when they start tanning like that."
We asked Hani's opinion on Farmer's looks/lack thereof and he feigned ignorance/cluelessness. Poor boy. He acted like he got thrown into a Lifetime Movies watching marathon. I guess he did in a way. He should've been taking notes because bird's eye views don't come along everyday.
personally, i think the quote of the night was, "hey, that could be Vin Diesel's gay twin brother!" "Maybe it is!"
:)
Posted by: jay at May 31, 2004 11:03 PMHeh. I'd almost forgotten about that. PN and I are still snickering about the "I drew the sails a little big. That's Christmas Island, the island next to where I live. If I would've drawn it right, it'd have been bigger than this whole table!" But, there were plenty of quotables. Starting with the simultaneous: "I don't want him sitting next to me!"
Posted by: Candicissima at June 1, 2004 12:17 AM