March 24, 2004

Hitting The Wall

I think there comes a point in the life of every young single NYC woman when she's gotta throw her hands up and say "I give up!" Just about every guy I have met in the past 9 months is:

a) too old, i.e. 26+. (Yes, I know I am apparently the only woman who'd rather be with someone her age. Sue me.)
b) a druggie
c) has ex related issues
d) a user/scammer/con artist
e) an absentee parent
f) shady/flaky
g) just fucking sucks overall
h) all of the above unfortunately

PrincessNella and I did the "beer" (actually, cider since we hate the piss) and convo thing here Saturday night and we both agreed that I've just got problems and should just quit since I apparently send out "seeking the damaged/undesirable" vibes. We decided that where I hang out is the problem: Sapph, that local hole in the wall with good atmosphere yet sketch and old regulars/clientele and 419, the super stylized, mood lighting filled debaucherous little den and its chameleon-like stable. Being there, what else would I get besides the shady and those with false fronts?

I had an adventure the other week with the latest disheartening pick, getting caught up in such fucking craziness that I wondered if I had lost my mind. Over the course of the night, someone asked if I was a thrill seeker since they could not figure out how I had gotten involved with everything. I've been thinking on that for the past week and a half. I suppose I am because I can agree that I continue on with unsavory types because sometimes I feel that breaking down the adventure later can be interesting. But, on the other hand, I know that I internally suffer a little bit everytime a layer is pulled back and I feel that I've been led to cross lines I'm not comfortable with. As some like to live vicariously through me, I get my kicks as a passive observer to exploits. Unfortunately, you play with fire and you can get seriously burned.

A general dissatisfaction with how much of a mess things are right now extends to matters of the heart also. I've been running at warp speed for much of the past year and I'm just out of gas. Bugging me is the kid that disappeared, but I know that's karmic retribution for passing on someone who could've killed this trend months ago. I'm really trying to turn over a new leaf though. Getting off the Autobahn for a min, hanging out on the quiet roads and driving like an old lady. A kid actually asked me to go do karaoke. How freaking wholesome can you get?! I might even give it a shot.

Posted by Candicissima at March 24, 2004 02:46 AM
Comments

I am a) 26+.
If your standards get in the way of your friends, you know what they say, dump your friends (actual advice from Stanford U. professor of business).

Good luck in your quest!

Posted by: Camilo at March 29, 2004 12:31 PM

I'm not talking about the ages of my friends, just the ages of my "friends." You're not the only person who commented on the age thing, but the way I look at it is: sure, age is nothing but a number yadda yadda, but unless he is immature (another no-no), he should have experiences/a mindset at 26+ that I just won't due to my situation and by choice. So, I'd rather roll with someone who is also straddling the kid/adult line because they're figuring it out as they go along too rather than just having a Peter Pan complex.

Posted by: Candicissima at March 29, 2004 06:31 PM