This morning I felt like I had to face the firing squad. Everyone's running around because the issue is closing today, but that wasn't even what was bothering me. What did was having to walk through the row of desks in order to drop something off to the editor's office. My heart was racing just thinking about having to do it. I forced myself to get out of the seat and put one foot in front of the other and I got myself around the corner and partially down that aisle until the blank stares of the desk inhabitants turned me around. I practically ran back to my chair, palms sweating and feeling ridiculous.
Believe it or not, I can be painfully shy. I enter new situations as a shadow, loitering on the outskirts until I've acclimated myself to the surroundings enough to venture off the wall tentatively. Making the situation harder is that I'm also an inherently social person which makes things weird. Once I get going, it's golden. I've found that the blog has hindered and helped that dichotomy slightly. Write so much about various exploits or whatever that I think sometimes the impression is given that I'm some sort of social dynamo, rocketing about town like a powerhouse. Eh, not really. It's not my nature. I'm an observer, a commentator, a recorder whether I'm in the mix or not. My thing isn't really being the center of attention. Most of my stories involve me on the sidelines before getting swept up into something due a mix of fate, the randomness of strangers, and/or an experimental movement on my part. It's what works for me. It makes meeting blog-related people interesting because I'm sure they don't quite expect me to geek out and talk about bandwidth or stand in the corner and steadfastly refuse to dance. *shrug* But, that's me sometimes. I can't really help it.
Regardless, a few deep breaths later, I had to suck it up and deal here on the work front. I stood up, set myself into train mode and made my way to the office. I dropped the info the editor needed and he was totally impressed. The brownie points almost made the whole thing worth it.
And in other news, firm handshakes are overrated, especially since people take that as their cue to squeeze a little too much. People, I've got little hands, try not to break 'em, if you please.
Posted by Candicissima at February 17, 2004 11:11 AM