The cold has been doing interesting things to me.
I go through events like a ghost. Holding up the wall, observing the scene, drinking my drink, munching on the ice and making my exit. People are starting wonder whether I was there or not...or perhaps it's their alcohol talking. I've been trying to keep myself on the straight and narrow after my Christmas time revelation. I hardly drink when out, which leads me to be that much more reserved and also that less tolerant for the bullshit that drunkards tend to spew. A few days after the train incident, I further rolled towards man-hating when this pompous boorish bastard gave me the finger on his way out of 419 because I called bullshit on him and made it clear I wasn't interested in talking to him. I'm beginning to wonder why I bother going out.
If it hasn't been obvious, my brain is going through a slight Farmer renaissance. We've been talking and it's been strangely comforting. The upcoming visit has only been further pressing that along. But, the main thing derailing that is my utter disinterest and disdain towards LDRs. Been there, done that, experienced the heartache, isn't worth the pain. Besides, it's clear as day to me that I'm idealizing him since he's 1200 miles away plus there are several elephants I'm tired of ignoring when it comes to him. Too much Sex And The City watching has me placing him into the Mr. Big 2003 edition catefory and frankly, I'm no Carrie. I always thought of myself as Miranda with a Samantha attitude.
In 2004, I'm wary of entanglement. I've stopped believing that relationships have to be dramatic with a constant yo-yo effect. I'm tired of the whiplash. My attitude is wait and see, my stance is non-actively looking. I've removed dating from my Friendster profile. The Dating Scene is a game I lack all energy to play. That's not to say I don't have prospects...I just refuse to put all my eggs into one basket. I'm loving the ability to say I enjoy being single and truly mean it.
Posted by Candicissima at February 1, 2004 06:00 PMit was the alcohol talking.
Posted by: b at February 1, 2004 06:18 PMWell, natch.
Posted by: Candicissima at February 2, 2004 01:22 PM