December 08, 2003

Dating Tangent

A nice piece of advice from Abstract Dynamics. I'll add if you're 5'6" or below, wear the high shoes so they can see you because those shows also seem to be populated by giants. (That reminds me of my early Friday adventure trying to see Battle Graphs. Memo to all show organizers: if you've got something that you know everybody's gonna want to see/free booze to draw people, maybe you should get a bigger space because the sardines in a can shtick is getting old, nah mean? Or perhaps it's just me. I hate crowds and being jostled and all that shit. Quickest way to ruin a venture for me is too many mofos in my personal space. Strange for New Yorker, eh? I don't care. I need room for my well-being.) Reading this week's Life As A Loser and talking to Hani reminded me of thoughts that have been floating around in my head since Thursday or thereabouts.

A while ago I said something about wanting to settle's not worth linking since I make many conflicting proclamations about that sort of thing. Basically, the impulse has passed. Guys are currently in the "too distracting" category and besides my track record is way more hit than miss. It'd be nice don't get me wrong, but I don't have it in me to make the effort. Seriously, dating in this city is fucking tiring. I was saying to Hani that this being NYC, world crossroads and all that, you've got millions of people milling about knowing damned well that the best, the brightest, the ______est are everywhere. In the same way that people have to have the latest shit or go to the coolest parties, even when they decide to take the plunge to be actively interested in finding their person, they're still thinking, "Eh...they're alright I guess, but I'm sure there's someone _____er waiting for me if I just keep trying." Or else they settle. I'm sick of settling. I settled with Farmer because the opportunity presented itself and what a fiasco that ended up being.

There's also a certain extent of laziness and conceit involved. I was telling Hani about my passive Friendster techniques and truthfully, I don't do much different in real life. I've grown accustomed to a stream of passes while out and about and it barely registers with me anymore. My stance with someone I'm interested in me not returning the favor: "yeah whatever, there'll be another one coming around the bend any second." It's not even a game, it's more general disinterest. I'm beginning to feel like I've got the permanent "impress me" face. It's interesting to note that I went from feeling like an ugly duckling...or rather, hyperinvisible to this. I'm exactly not sure when the transformation took place, but I suppose surviving a semester of crazy ex-friends and abandonment can change your perspective on a lot of things.

But, to prove I'm not as jaded and cynical as the words I'm putting out there: Thursday night, typical setting. I was hanging around, dancing, chilling, being merry when my Friendster introduced me to a friend of hers. He and I shook hands and he was all "very nice to meet you blah blah" and surprised me with a sudden kissing of my hand. Jolt. If I could blush, I would have. I always surprise myself by being a sucker for a grand gesture. There's a wide-eyed romantic in here somewhere. I guess my pose isn't really "impress me" as much as "surprise me." Is that a little better?

(And as for that guy, we hung out that night and ended up kinda star-crossed. His friend with him was making major plays for me and he backed off considerably as I was torn between making a serious move or sticking to my resolve. It's pointless to sweat things like that really. Situations like that pop up every couple of months or so to tantalize me.)

Posted by Candicissima at December 8, 2003 05:16 AM