A day of baking in the sun turns a little Candicissima's brain to mush. Gah. It's not even 10pm and I'm about to pass out face down. There's something about CT that makes me not be able to hang. Oh yeah, I remember now. It's mindnumblingly boring, so I'd just rather go to sleep more times than not. That's right.
Today I was struck with a big sense of wanting to grab plenty of metaphoric bulls by the horns, but also not knowing where to start. It may be relatively non-radical and middle class pedantic of me, but I want a job. I want somewhere to go and something to do everyday. I want the option of getting dressed up, but definitely having to look nice. A desk with a computer and a person I can call my boss and people I can call co-workers and choose to or not to go with them somewhere for lunch. I want to bitch or brag about my day and commiserate about it with friends. Most importantly, I want a paycheck and money in the bank and the start of a little nest egg. I'm sick of feeling like a dependent -- even if I've been managing on my own more than not for the past 4 years. After all, there's only one name on that loan bill about which they'll be knocking on my door about around Thanksgiving (unfortunately I think sometimes).
Jay and I were talking about the frustrations of the job search. To date, I know one person who has gone back to NYC and found a job on arrival. One. I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged. Not helping is that I just feel all scatterbrained and confused about what I want to do. The English major side of me wants to write, write, write! Or do the whole editorial thing. (I'm currently kinda sad that they dangled the editorial assistant thing in front of me and then *poof* not a peep.) The Sociology major wants to crusade for social justice, work for a non-profit, just generally do something progressive and positive. The would be scenester wants to be in the thick of everything doing media planning, PR, music or something creative. Candicissima just wants a fucking job. One that allows me to live -- even thinly. Fuck New York...though I doubt anywhere else is better about now.
Posted by Candicissima at June 28, 2003 10:17 PM