Five years ago, I was living on my own (no roommate) for the first time, working at a job I hated, and trying to think of a way to jump start my life/career. I was on the verge of applying to a grad school program that some of my coworkers recommended as something I would take to like a fish to water. Six months passed and I had gotten laid off from that job, accepted into that program, and was freelancing at the Times of all places before giving it all up to be a full time student in the fall. Right now, I’m working at a job I have a day to day love/hate relationship with, still living on my own in what might be what feels like my first adult place, and still trying to figure out what to do with my life/career. Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose indeed…

Things do feel different though nowadays. That’s all a part of getting older I suppose. Gray hairs popping up, bad knee joints knocked me out of commission for most of the summer, stubborn roundness clinging to my middle. Stakes feel a little higher than they felt back then. I’ve worked in the ad industry for about 9 years (7 years full time around school), so it’s a milieu I feel very comfortable in. I do find myself burned out by the thanklessness of my chosen job description and the long hours chained to a desk though. I really have begun to feel that I’m not built for 9-6 (8) office life. I’m not a morning person and can get more done in less time left to my own devices instead of giving face time every day. I’ll never be good at office politicking and unfortunately in some of the places I’ve worked, unless you’re going for Machiavellian ruthlessness, you’ll never advance. That’s not me. I have no desire to the boss in a place I don’t own/feel personally invested in.

I still think of leaving town (often!), but I’m also at a place where I’m back to loving NYC and just want to find my place that makes me the happiest within it. If my ideal job/career doesn’t exist, I might be hitting the stage where it’s time for me to create it.