A wallet is never just a wallet.
He revealed himself as fundamentally on a different wavelength with the whole episode. I had left it in half asleep panic, looking in vain for my scarf and sadly resigned to never see it again. I love that scarf. The most sentimental souvenir from my long summer journey. It reminds me of sunshine and blazing my own trail alone. The two times I’ve thought I’ve lost it have both ended up being disastrous days for me. It’s my good luck charm. If I believed in that sort of thing.
But this is about the wallet. Abandoned in the couch cushions despite my knowledge. It had led me there that night, promising fun but also prepared to go into battle. Sometimes you can sit and talk to someone you feel like you know so well and suddenly realize that you are strangers to each other. I kept my poker face on and accidentally sat my wallet down before the last acquiescence. It ruined my chance to go out the way I had planned. I stood at the diner counter the next day and reached in my bag to pay for my order and found nothing. I stepped out to text to ask him to search for it, swallowing my pride. He was responsive and I settled in for the day, hoping to have it all resolved soon.
Yet I waited for days. I tried not to push, does he realize how hard it is to live without your wallet? Money, cards, ID, and Metrocard held hostage. I spent time at home stewing as he made every excuse under the sun to delay the return. If I had balls, he would’ve had me by them. Nothing to do but remain calm.
Until Day 3 when another flimsy excuse pushed me towards the edge of my false relaxation. I don’t want to argue, I just want to get it back, I wrote. He wrote back with vitriol I had never seen. I was pretending to be blameless? Ungrateful? Making his life miserable? While he was holding everything that made me a functional person in his hands? Some people aren’t worth shit. I’m sorry you feel that way, I just want this over with.
I marched across Brooklyn in the ice and snow to get my wallet and even said thank you. Then walked away without another one word. Some people aren’t worth your breath. I was whole again. I even found the scarf a few days later. It may be just a scarf and I’m learning to stop losing my head over things.