I’ll admit from the start that it was my own fault. What the hell was I doing in the Music section anyways? I stopped reading ages ago because I realized it was better for my blood pressure to stay away. My throwaway line back here prompted an email calling for some constructive criticism and I think I responded helpfully, even if that was the last of it and I haven’t checked to see if there was a change. I accepted that the tag team action was on the irritating side and decided to play out of sight, out of mind. But then I saw this lovely screed on the X-Clan/Jr. Gong show that went down the other week and there was only response I could have: off with his piss-filled head and then burn the body.
I used to be a bit of an apologist. The other one was just revelling in being a bad writing chump and this one at least had some sort of drollness about him. And he’s a big Man Man supporter, so how bad can he be? But no, fuck him. Fuck him in the eye. Fuck the entire pair of crack-addled, ass-scratching monkeys they call “music bloggers” over at the Voice. I hope they’re the first ones to get the pink slip when the new boss comes in.
Because then I won’t have to be killed with the “cleverness.”
“For the Babies” was too pro-life an encore that night (“You’re wrong, dude!” someone shouted), but radio hits “Road to Zion” and “Jamrock” and a Shabba Ranks cameo got Marley off the coat hanger. But hey, at least he got on it
“For The Babies” is an anti-abortion song and Marley was on/off the hanger..get it? Ho ho ho. Another post:
Lil Kim. Still on tour, Lil Kim goes from one corner of her cell to another singing “Lighters Up” and occasionally “Lighters Up (Reggaeton Remix),” which is “Lighters Up” with a very pronounced lisp. Pretending cinder blocks are her fans, she sometimes holds a lighter up near the block as if the block is holding the lighter, then gets taken to a nearby hospital for burning her finger.
Least successful tour cause she’s in jail! Ho ho ho. Yet another:
So I’ll bite: Why would Juvenile punch a baby? Probably because when you punch a baby, it makes a funny noise that sounds like rapping. But why punch a baby in the mouth? Probably because when you punch a baby in the mouth, sometimes it nibbles on your fingers. But wouldn’t the baby cry a lot? Probably not–unless it’s one of those wimpy babies (a dog).
Then again, maybe Juvenile is stuck in the metaphorical here–maybe this isn’t an actual punch, but a crazy punch. Maybe, as three paragraphs in I’m beginning to suspect, Juvenile is “punching” babies for a special baby fraternity, membership to which is limited to Juvenile, Tony Yayo, and 45 of the awesomest, most punchable babies. The babies’ moms can also join if they want.
Ho ho ho…baby punching as a riff! High-larious! He’s so funny! I can’t stand it! It makes me want to knee him in the balls! That would be really funny!
Is there no way in the world to pull the plug on the shticky little fuck? He’s not funny. He’s not clever. He’s usually ill-informed and ridiculous. He’s the personification of that acne-ridden smug joker in school who held the class hostage with his “unrestrained” humor every time he opened his mealy little mouth. NO MAS. Throw him against the wall and take him out.