Still here. Sorta. But if I play “Apache,” “Pow,” or “Stand Up Tall” one more time, my cat might scratch me to death. Did I mention I’m going to the Dizzee Rascal show Saturday? I’m so fucking cool I can’t even stand it.
Yesterday, I was keeping myself occupied by throwing myself into the mix in this thread. This was seriously just about the only panel (the music blogs one too) that had me checking airfare like “I could totally go to Seattle…oh wait, I don’t even have $10 to spare. Nevermind.” It was running pretty well for a while there, but petered out some time this morning. Such is the nature of ILM mostly and also where would the discussion actually end up going? “They give me funny looks at shows.” Check. “I never have problems, you’re just being sensitive.” Check. “Damn, y’all are just some complaining black bitches women. I don’t want to deal with that.” Check. “I can like metal/rock/country and Mary J too. Get over it!” Check. “But really what does this mean in regards to white people?” Check.
It’s an uneasy position feeling like I should be able to go into a show situation neutral/neutered as a music fan and yet usually end up being the most conspicuous person there. The one thing doesn’t look the other screech moment. I hate having to end up feeling self-conscious. If as an a confident and secure person end up feeling like an annoyed bug under a microscope, I can’t imagine how someone else might. But isn’t that the role of the black feminist in life, the strange visible invisibility? What better to illustrate that but a thread filled with over a hundred posts where a call for extra commentary besides us (really the only time such a call would be made) is a “eh…we’ll sit back and watch.” I’m considering a revive but I don’t know what to say really. Obviously it’s a highly personal topic for me — black, feminist, critical (not a “critic”) — and reminds me of why I liked Afropunk, the movie and now the message boards. In there for once the field is level because with so many different representations of black people no one has to be the HNIC figurehead and finally black can not be the capitalized primary descriptor. The stance is I want to put across is that participation and opinions are needed because otherwise becomes the black people sideshow which unfortunately it seemed like the panel turned into. I don’t know how to counteract that though. It’s bigger than me. I can admit that.
Anyhoo, the Man Man show last night was fucking excellent. They were amazing — the songs were filled with this unstoppable energy and they just really rocked. (See…this is why I’m not a critic.) I was most happy because they played a spanking new (to me) multi-instrumental (well more than usual) version of my favorite song. I got new converts in Alex and The Director. Lina was all “this is so weird…but the drummer is a monster.” I rocked my old chopped t-shirt and let’s just say, it was a little snug. I looked like I was late for my shift at Hooters. They might be real and fabulous, but too much for me yesterday, that’s for sure. The funny part for me was running into the bouncer who was trying to kick it to me at one of the shows way back when. He’s actually alright…NYU student and seems pretty interesting, but he just strikes me as sorta bland. I’m just a picky bastard unless I’m just gaming for fun. There really is no rhyme or reason.