I've hit the halfway mark of this trip.
Europe's been exhilarating, exciting, and occasionally frustrating. I've grown to really love Paris, was awed by Rome, surprised by Naples and Lausanne, and a little disappointed in London. I've got another week in my program and then 2 weeks of travel to Nice and the Cote D'Azur, Barcelona, and Lisbon before doing 5 final days back here and a hop over to London to go home. It's exhausting to think about and definitely to be living, but I'm having a fantastic time just seeing everything.
I've been spending a lot of time thinking about all sorts of shit. I laugh at myself that I almost let a moment of self-doubt keep me home. I'm seeing things here that I've only dreamed about and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I've been thinking about home a ton though. I've missed my apartment, my fam and friends, and how easy it is for me to get around/things in NYC. The constant dealing with stuff flying at you left and right at home was good training for this trip, especially when I'm dealing with language barriers. I'm going to enjoy that first moment of plopping down on my own bed, surrounded my own things again. And then go on a crazy eating binge of my favorite foods. I'll gain back every pound lost in no time!
I left in a mad dash on Thursday evening. The night before I decided to get drunk and wander around instead of finishing my packing up, so I got get up early that morning and finish everything up in a hungover daze. I dashed to Queens to have a goodbye lunch with my mom and then I was zipping the bag for the last time, straightening up, and saying goodbye to my place for two months, Getting to the airport was hell and I gave up on public transportation 2/3rds of the way through and took a cab the last bit to the airport. I arrived in a panic to find out I was still an hour away from final call and finally took a breath.
I ended up on the first leg of my journey to London crammed next to this awful hipster couple. If they weren't making out, they were asking to be let out so they could go to the bathroom. I think the girl wondered why I wasn't interested in small talk, as if she didn't realize she was a pox on humanity. Disembarked in Reykjavik and made my way through security screening because I guess they don't trust foreign scans there. A clusterfuck of a boarding pass line followed by a boarding on the tarmac. That flight was quick and mostly pleasant, but I was definitely beginning to feel a little tired and hot and harried.
Landed in London cracked out and had to face an hour and a half immigration line. The officer reminded me of my dad a bit and was very British and serious asking me why I would detour in London if I was going in Paris in 2 days. Because it was cheaper? A shuttle bus ride to a random train stop and I got the first of many surprised looks when I opened my mouth and my weird little American accent came out as I bought my Oyster card. Finally the hotel and the smallest room I've ever been in. And my plug adapter didn't work. My hearty welcome to Europe.
Met up with an old friend of a friend and watched the World Cup match (poor Black Stars) and went to an apartment straight out of a movie. Experienced missing the last tube and a hunt (in the rain) for the night bus. Finally a good night's sleep.
Woke up well rested for the first time in a while. Wandered into Tesco and fell in love with the place when I saw premixed gin and tonics/whiskey and cokes for 3 for 4£. And people drink on the street there without a care. God bless the UK! Spent the day at the Wireless Festival, listening to music and taking pics. Amused when one chick excitedly asked me "OMG are you from Brooklyn? Have you ever been to the Bronx?" Not quite sure what the deal was with the crowd throwing bottles as they got rowdy. I did understand why they were plastic instead of glass though when one hit me in the nose. Eased my way out of the front -- and then the place altogether -- as things got crazy during the headlining set. Nice walk back to the hotel and then capping that off with a 1£ sandwich and cheap bottle of cider. Fun times.
Up early the next day to take advantage of the free breakfast and wish I would've skipped. What's so continental about a pastry, cheese, and some meat? And then to the airport in an infinitely easier trip. Flight delayed, so got to Paris a little late. Too harried to catch the welcome dinner, so went for a leisurely walk, got a cheap sandwich, and then off for a nap. Today dawned with a bike tour and getting to know my other 5 program mates (some of which I'd rather not) and will end with a nice slumber before tomorrow's first day of class.
In less than 9 days, I'll be touching down in Europe for the first time. First stop is a brief layover in Iceland and then on to London for 2 whirlwind days before going on to my new home for the next 6 weeks, Paris.
Nervous doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I don't think I still believe it's quite happening. Despite the flight reservations and subletting and goodbye party to the contrary. In a typical fashion, I'm having a bout of melancholy before I even get anywhere, but I'm excited for this long overdue trip. It feels important for me to do it (mostly) alone and in a very different stage in my life than it would've been as an undergrad. I definitely haven't been practicing my French enough, but I think I've got plenty of energy for this. Wish me luck.
Oh hey, first result on the second page of my name's Google results! I guess that makes this not the best place to complain out my summer employment or classmate annoyances? Got it!
I can safely talk about how New York is heating up in only the way a place covered in concrete and steel will. Where you're stuck underground waiting for a train to come and find your misery multiplied when you have that one slow bead of sweat making its way down your back. That's the bad side. The good side is being able to walk around without 20 layers and hang around outside later and later. I had a fun trip to the Water Taxi Beach last Friday night and hanging out there listening to music with my friends was the best thing I did all weekend.
I'm finding myself slightly regretful that I'm missing all the fun stuff that goes on in the hot months, but then I think about when it's August with a heat index of 105 and I can only keep vampire hours, I think I can live without it.
Just found out today that Alex and the band are playing a cool sounding fest in Portugal, the weekend after I touch down in Europe. Hello, first side excursion!
This time last week, I was embracing the end of the school year by blowing off the work hunt for a few days. And of course, they had to rang my phone off the hook once I took advantage of a crazy $20 Jet Blue sale and took off for San Francisco. This visit was way more touristy overall, but I loved the revisit to the bizarro bar of my Brooklyn Cheers. And B, always awesome, and hopefully coming to my coast soon, so I can show him my personal wonderful crazed NYC.
After my second visit, I'm a little in love with the city. I don't quite understand the million different transportation options, but I could really see myself there. PrincessNella and I wandered the streets, scoping out imaginary apartments and pretending that I was there permanently. Maybe I will make the move next year. It's definitely a strong possibility.
Back in NYC, I've landed a freelance job that will last me to weeks before the Europe adventure. I'm stoked on life and everything right now, just trying to keep my life in order. July is coming up so far and I'm really trying to balance lining up all the ducks in row with the fun warm weather brings here.
I've been a little distracted though playing the what if game and that kicked up all sorts of feelings I've struggled with over the years with the blog. It's a strange and weird thing to have a worldwide accessible diary of young adulthood. I can pull up posts that talked about my first loves, my first adult job, my first apartment, and all the heartache that came with that. I have made a conscious effort over the years to detangle myself (and all my emotions) from here, but there's something so powerful just the same knowing that someone who has read from 2003 can read between the lines seven years later and know the real me I usually think I'm hiding so well.
There;s no denying that swiftly approaching 30, my life has taken weird turns that I'd have never imagined in 2003 as a bright-eyed 22-year old who thought I knew everything. But that's just how life goes really. At this point, I want a brilliant summer and go back to school in the fall with a great thesis idea. I want to fulfill a longtime dream and explore Europe with no lingering regrets/nagging thoughts. I want fun, I want romance, I want satisfaction. I want everything and I feel like I'm in a place where I finally know how to get it.
This year was a bit of a hard trek. The fall definitely more so than the spring for sure. I feel like I hit my stride a bit this semester, I'm definitely feeling good right now though.
The rest of the week is my moment of respite before I go back to freelancing furiously for the weeks I've got before Paris. There was a scary moment last week at the program orientation where I wasn't sure if it was still a go, but they say it is apparently, so I'm hoping for the best.
I'm trying to get rid of loose ends this week so I can just be as lazy as possible this weekend. I know well the hazards of having no break before jumping into another stressful situation.
I decided to spend my weekend making a mixtape instead of doing something productive like, I dunno, working on final projects or something. I found a fun open source widget and spent yesterday selecting tracks, then today putting it all together. It was fun, though I didn't realize how strangely love obsessed it was until I finished it. Dunno what that's about.
By Candicissima on April 8, 2010 3:17 AM
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I'm having a really hard time wrapping my head around that in a month's time, I'll have done a whole year of grad school. April is shaping up to be the busiest month so far. Last week was a bit shit as the motivation fell out of my life in a big way. All I wanted to do was avoid work and feel free and daydream about the money I could be making soon or strolling through Paris (if the damned school doesn't cancel the program like I've heard grumblings about,..). My mind was everywhere at once and taking that time for total irresponsibility had me working twice as hard this week.
I discovered the new Pantha du Prince album the other day and I've been happily rocking it, especially the song above. It's definitely struck a nerve.
I've been examining recently my feelings about the program. For a long stretch, I hated it. Last semester (and 2009 in general) was all about life upheaval and I really did end in December wanting to quit. My program can be very alienating because it seems like there's a culture in place where you're expected to give up everything else you have going on to hang out on the floor and exclusively with program people. With the exception of a friend or two, I just didn't click with anyone there and instead of running headfirst into it, I stepped back and carved out my own path. It hasn't made me the most popular 1st year, but at 29, I'd rather have a life I can happily call my own than be miserable trying to fit in. And this semester has felt different as I've followed my own passions more to take some non-typical classes and create a schedule and life balance I feel happy with. I might scream if another person asks me if I'm a part-time student, but I feel like the intellectual satisfaction I've had lately really keeps me from giving a shit what the average fellow program person thinks.
I'm at the point where I can always think of something else that I would like to have that I don't (a bigger apartment, being able to avoid the end of the semester poverty, a nice guy to indulge me in my nerdy talk), but the abject misery I felt as a cog in the corporate world is one thing I do not miss. It feels nice to smile and laugh and mean it. And I wouldn't trade making it out of the last crazy few years well-adjusted for anything else.
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